As I’ve continued to learn and grow in my understanding of my mental health, I’ve found myself thinking not only about my approach to how I navigate it, but the external factors over time that have impacted it. On Bell Let’s Talk Day 2022, I want to share more of my story and two lessons I’ve learned.

But first, let’s jump back in time to when my Mom came with my then 5-year old self and class on a fieldtrip to a farm. As my Mom tells, we went to the farm during a time of year when the mosquitoes were at their peak and I was walking around swatting mosquitoes off my classmates. The other part of the story is that I was ignoring the fact they were making lunch out of me, and I can’t help but wonder if this was when my life-long pattern of putting other peoples’ needs before my own began.

Over the decades that followed, I can think of many moments when this pattern was part of my narrative, and how it weaved in with other patterns about stuffing things down - first through being in the closet, and later through not knowing how to navigate mental illness. Thankfully by the time I was in my 30s, I was happily out, and knew the importance of putting myself first in my life. It was in my 30s I also started along the path that would bring me to the relationship I have with myself and my mental health today – that my mental health is a part of my identity and deserves as much love and care as any other part of my life and wellness.

This brings me to the first of the two lessons I learned:

Treat Yourself with Compassion: While I recognize this is easier said than done, it’s a point whose importance I need to articulate. There is only one you, you deserve to focus on what YOU need and to treat yourself with the same high standard of compassion, love and care you show other people. In my story I’ve learned that to show up being my best at work, my relationships, and in my creativity, I first need to make sure I am curating the factors that help me feel happy and attend to myself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. It’s also important to remember that how each of us works towards the presence of each of these in our lives is individually unique.

While this lesson highlights our internal relationship with ourselves, there will always be external factors in our lives that impact mental health. Dealing with a global pandemic, climate disasters, the murder of George Floyd and the finding of unmarked graves at former Residential Schools are several recent examples I’ve seen take significant toll.

In my own journey with mental health, I’ve been impacted by family and friend medical diagnoses and deaths, by politics, other peoples’ bigotry and racism, experiences with toxic environments, bullying and so many examples through media of peoples’ inability to dialogue and communicate with respect. This is particularly key in my narrative because I needed to figure out – and at times still do – how to acknowledge these, their impact on me, the emotions they elicit, how I respond and what is in my power to do to help, where I can, create change.

The challenge also exists that depending on which of these scenarios is occurring my mental health gets forced into versions of fight-or-flight, dread, my anxiety and/or depression showing up, and at times damage to my confidence and self-worth.

And so, the second lesson I want to share is this:

Control Over How We Respond: In the journey of life and our mental health, each of us will experience challenging situations, world and human issues, people and environments. Within this there are two crucial points I want to highlight. The one thing we don’t and will never have control over is how systems, society or people behave and treat us/others. However, and this is key – there is one thing we have complete control over, and that’s how we respond to those challenges. Understanding this was a game changer for me. Now, to be clear, I’m not saying to ignore these moments or throw your hands up in the air and shrug. Yes, get involved, create change, understanding and dialogue, and stand up for what you believe in. In doing so, also remember the first lesson I shared – treat yourself with care and compassion so you can be the best and healthiest version of YOU when you do.

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